"This first year as a new empty nester wasn’t perfect and things didn’t go the way I expected but neither did the marriage or the life I had up until this point. "
Broken Vows
Vows - “a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment”
Remembering 9/11/2001
September 11, 2020 It was an ordinary day for me. I got up, took my kids to school and day care. My husband went off to work. I went off to my college classes for that day. I was just finishing up my college algebra class that morning and heading to my macroeconomics class. As … Continue reading Remembering 9/11/2001
17 years, 28 months, 22 days
"I have...begun to realize that men don’t necessarily know what they want either despite this patriarchal society we live in...They... have developed the rules we live by but also fail by those same rules...always ...there is a balance between male and female that is a part of nature. We can’t get away from it and why would we? We are meant to balance one another not fight against it..."
Truth or Date – Dating communication
"...I told him how I felt and then I logged off my account to regroup and regain my composure. I went for a long walk and then spent that day mulling things over asking why it made me feel so bad?"
Monday thoughts
I’ve been contemplating a lot lately and considering what I want as far as a relationship goes. I realized that all the previous ones involved me giving all my time and energy into trying to make it work. It should have never been that way. Going forward the person that wants my attention will have … Continue reading Monday thoughts
The power of the written word: love.
"I questioned that God’s judgment on me was because I was born not from love, so I cannot be loved in return...because I was not born from love that I would never know what it is like to be loved."
Small milestones
August 16, 2020 Wow, a small milestone. 🤔😮💁🏽♀️🙂I have had this blog for many years and it has helped me so much. The ability to verbalize and communicate what I’m feeling is cathartic in this safe space. 200 posts over a 5 year period is approximately 3 posts a month on average. I was shooting … Continue reading Small milestones
Chance Encounters
"If I was only on that pathway for a brief walk with him then I will have to be happy with that...you can’t force a relationship...can’t make people stay with you. Life doesn’t work that way...find that happiness whenever or wherever you can."
Looking for love: In all the wrong places.
"It’s about looking for something that doesn’t exist or is not present just anywhere. If you keep searching for it that way you’ll never truly find it."
Searching for happiness; evaluating myself.
"..I have trouble setting boundaries with people which causes me to get hurt...the depression and anxiety ...keeps replaying over and over again."
Killer of enthusiasm: Loneliness
"There are approximately 7.8 billion people in the world and one cannot let a handful that you meet in your lifetime make you feel alone."
Disappointment – Lesson learned
"Honesty, integrity, and being an open communicator are paramount to any successful relationship."
Loss
July 5, 2020 Loss. 😔*Just got word of a very young relatives passing.*A parent should never have to endure the unimaginable pain of that loss. There isn’t even a word to describe it.*Things are not guaranteed in life.*We go through each day in a hurry when we should enjoy each moment.*Waking each morning to a … Continue reading Loss
Independence Day 2020
July 4th 2020 I woke up this morning with thoughts about what does The Declaration of Independence mean to me? Being a retired veteran who also happens to be a person of color. I am an indigenous person of the United States. Today being the Fourth of July and the celebration of this country’s Declaration … Continue reading Independence Day 2020
5 years
“A true leader knows how to talk to the people they want to lead...”
2 in the morning
"Anxiety and depression play a big part of the insomnia that plagues me..."
Voices in the dark
"The voices that have been crying in the dark for too long are finally being heard not only here but around the world."
Major Changes – Working through it.
Major Changes – Working through it. It has been a challenging couple of days. I had a major surgery performed this past Thursday. The first ever, surgery I have ever had, and hopefully the last. So today, with the help of technology through voice dictation, I just wanted to write a few of my thoughts. … Continue reading Major Changes – Working through it.
The Universe listened.
"...I realized, the Universe, God, The Creator, whatever you want to call it, listened..."
Why do women, mainly white women, dislike me?
May 7, 2020 I debated quite a while whether to write this or not. It is a very personal subject for me but I was finally pushed to a point of needing to say something and clear it from my thoughts finally after all these years. First of all, this not derogatory or a commentary … Continue reading Why do women, mainly white women, dislike me?
49th Trip
"Approximately 17,885 days of living and breathing on this floating rock in the universe..."
Stay Gold – Exasperated and misunderstood
It’s April 19th, 2020 and in two days, I will be 49 years old. Today, the feelings of loneliness are overwhelming because once again a person in my life decided that I wasn’t worth his time. It’s exasperating. In my lifetime I’ve always been successful at reaching some of my goals and aspirations. I’ve always … Continue reading Stay Gold – Exasperated and misunderstood
Romantic Notions
"...emotional side that has believed and still believes in love, romance, and a soul mate."
Trying something new.
March 30, 2020 Decided to try something new on my phone. Hope you enjoy! Have a wonderful day! Oklahoma Skies
Just a moment of your time.
Just a moment of your time...
Birds Chirping by SE Allen
Days seem bleak. Only been a few weeks. Early morning birds chirping. Feelings of sorrow. Sense of no tomorrow. Early morning birds chirping. Woke up today. Down mood go away. Early morning birds chirping. Time to make peace. Inner soul struggling and weak. Early morning birds chirping. Things will be okay. We’ve always got a … Continue reading Birds Chirping by SE Allen
Love: Healthy and Unhealthy attachments
"Unhealthy relationships are easy…in the beginning."
The path less traveled.
March 16, 2020 It is a Monday. The last couple of weeks have seen a worldwide event that has stopped almost all nations and their daily lives. Those affected number over 160,00 so far with a death toll of over 6,000. The World Health Organization finally categorized it as a pandemic. This means it is … Continue reading The path less traveled.
It was never about you; it was about the children.
...It was never about you; it was about the children.
Focusing on the wrong things
...I spent that same 4 decades trying to repair each iteration of pain that went through me in the waves of depression, anxiety, and sadness...
Alone in the Dark
By SE Allen Alone in the dark. Trying to be alright. Waiting for the light. Alone in the dark. Feelings of sadness. Tired of being like this. Alone in the dark. The place where I roam. Learn to be on your own. Alone in the dark. Thoughts swirl, get twisted. Feeling rejected. Alone in the … Continue reading Alone in the Dark
Searching for Joy
January 23, 2020 It’s almost the end of the first month of the New Year. Time always seems to move so quickly. When I was kid and I was going through a lot in my young life I used to think that the year 2020 was so far away and that there would be no … Continue reading Searching for Joy
Moving forward …It is what it is.
November 17, 2019 It’s 9:15 on a Sunday morning. As I sit in our break room listening to the low drone of the vending machine waiting for my shift to start, I contemplate. I think back to everything that transpired over the last 60 days. **Continuation of writing. Fast forward from my previous writing and it is now … Continue reading Moving forward …It is what it is.
36 Inches of space
36 Inches of space by Suzanne Allen November 3, 2019 It’s the beginning of a new month. It’s been a few months since I last wrote anything significant about my life. The picture attached to this article is the 36 inches of space allocated to my personal belongings while I stay with my mother and … Continue reading 36 Inches of space
“Drive” by Suzanne Allen
Drive by SE Allen Road winding or straight. Destination unknown. Early or late. A chance with each trip. Things to do. A hit or a miss. Feel, success or miserable. In your control. Time is the variable. Path in the distance. Takes time. Stay persistent. We came and we saw. The trip ends. Nothing will … Continue reading “Drive” by Suzanne Allen
Positivity
It’s October 1, 2019. Yesterday, I finally closed another chapter in my life. I moved out of the home we had for the last three years. The home my ex-husband rented about 7 months before he passed away. I made a promise to my two youngest kids to stay in the house until they graduated … Continue reading Positivity
Momentum
August 11, 2019 I started this post August 11th. Today is August 28th and so much has transpired in a short 17 days. It's hard to step back from the emotions and separate it into short, easy pieces to digest. I will try. I originally made a statement at the end of a post titled … Continue reading Momentum
Day 1 – Morning Pages
August 18, 2019 Hello. I woke up. I wasn't feeling that good. Thoughts about my ex-husband. I miss our Sunday mornings. That's in the past. Not to be revisited again. I went on to social media. Spent only a few minutes. Felt kind of bored. No text message this morning. Felt alone. Listened to my … Continue reading Day 1 – Morning Pages
Creating and expression of thought – Boosting creativity
August 18, 2019 I recently started this audio book called "168 Hours" by Laura Vauderkam. I was looking at my own hours of the day and how I spent it. The thoughts actually came up while I was binge watching another television series on a weeknight. Hours wasted to something that doesn't change anything for … Continue reading Creating and expression of thought – Boosting creativity
Others and Some
August 11, 2019 **I wrote this February 12th, 2018. Two days later the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland Florida occurred. I never posted it. In light of recent events it still reflects the same feelings. The conversation and narrative that should be occurring. We as human beings have the inalienable rights … Continue reading Others and Some
Growth
August 11, 2019 I was still upset when I woke up Saturday morning. Sleep didn’t help the thoughts. I was having a good week until about 4 pm Friday. I don’t get it. I try to be this helpful, kind, good person to everyone I meet. I go to work and do the job I’m … Continue reading Growth
Time doesn’t always heal all wounds.
7/15/19 It’s after 2 pm on a Monday. On a lunch break from a slow work day. Generating numbers and closing out the last year’s work. Rather mundane and boring at times. Had lots of time to think about my current situation in life and reflect on recent reactions. I’m 48 years old. I think … Continue reading Time doesn’t always heal all wounds.
Goal, plans, and aspirations
July 13, 2019 It is a Saturday night. As I sit here on my laptop working on creating a second blog solely dedicated to cake decorating and sugar art, I also decided to create a secondary Instagram page to link to. This has been an ongoing process on and off since last year. Several formats … Continue reading Goal, plans, and aspirations
Independence Day – Defining America
July 4, 2019 I know this commentary may not sit well with most that choose to read it so please bear with me a moment. It’s Independence Day here in the United States and it is still a relatively new country compared to the rest of the world only declaring independence 243 years ago. Yet, … Continue reading Independence Day – Defining America
Is it Competitive or being a Bully? – Self observation
June 20, 2019 I grew up being a “tomboy”. I had two sisters that I did not know until I was about 9 years old. I played with and learned from my boy cousins. They were the brothers I never got to have. I loved them more than anything, they kept me safe. So instead … Continue reading Is it Competitive or being a Bully? – Self observation
True Blue – Closing a chapter.
June 16, 2019 I’m 48 years old. That’s weird for me to say and hear. When I was a kid, I didn’t believe that I would still be alive in the year 2020. Now here it is 2019 and in less than 6 months it will be 2020. So many changes and pain to have … Continue reading True Blue – Closing a chapter.
Time for change – Observations on society
June 15, 2019 It’s June 15th, today is my oldest child’s birthday. I look at my kids and I remember the hope that I felt when I had them. Hope that I was raising individuals that would change the world. There is still time to see if that comes true or not. I help to … Continue reading Time for change – Observations on society
