To Do or Not to Do

To Do or Not to Do.

Today is a beautiful day, sunny and blue skies. I spent most of the morning organizing my art supplies today. I’ve been working on the sewing/beadwork/jewelry area on an off for about a month now. I ran out of pegs for the jewelry findings so I had to stop until I create another board.

I had already arranged my cake decorating supplies this past September/October. I decided to make the desk in my bedroom an additional work area for art and reading. I cannot sleep if there is too much clutter in my bedroom so I try to keep it as simple as possible.

One of my first sewing projects was making new curtains for the bedroom. It used to be Marvin’s room and the first month after he died I couldn’t sleep in there. I started slowly moving my things in and putting his stuff away but I couldn’t bear the thought of throwing out his things so they are arranged neatly in the closet. Maybe one day I will part with them but not yet, I’m not ready.

It’s funny how we as human beings put so much stake into “things”. We let it define who we are and for some people, it’s everything to them. I like being comfortable and having tools and supplies readily available for me to be creative when the mood strikes me. It’s always been a part of who I am. It was also a source of contention between Marvin and me when we were married. He assumed that I was spending thousands of dollars on my arts & crafts plus the cake decorating tools & supplies but that wasn’t the case. He also seemed to forget that my cake decorating classes were bringing in extra income every month. It did me no good to even try to argue about it and I eventually quit doing them.

Now that I have time to do things in between going to school, taking care of the kids and home, I wanted to refocus on a few things that I like to do. I want to eventually sell the things I create but narrowing it down to just one craft has been difficult. So I decided to create the workspaces and keep items to a minimum to cut down on clutter. I made a deal with myself and my kids to not buy any more items until I have used at least 75% of what I have already had in place. So now it’s all about working my time to maximize what I can accomplish between the hours of 5 am to 10 pm, in between everything else.

I know I can do it but sometimes the depression and anxiety rear its ugly head and things don’t go as planned. I recognize it and continue working around that as well. Stay positive and find focus has been my mantra for the last year. I do feel so much better than l did a year ago when my world was spiraling out of control and I gave up. A year of sadness, grief, depression, and anxiety can take a tremendous toll on one’s soul. I finally realized that universe was trying to tell that I am important and that I matter it’s just taken me a while to listen.

Have a good week and keep on caking!

Suzanne