Non Cake Related, Random Musings, Uncategorized

Retrospect – Thoughts on how life moves.

It is Friday the 13th, April 2018.

Yesterday, I spent a good portion of the day at a veteran’s job fair.  I thought there would be more employers there but unfortunately, some did not show. I talked to few companies, told them what kind of positions I was looking for and then handed out resumes.  It was an okay job fair. Just have to wait and see how that goes.

While I was there, I had the misfortune of running into the person who I had a relationship with for 2 years during my separation and divorce.  He was a former co-worker and friend who I had known for more than 10 years before we ever got involved with each other.  That whole situation was bad from beginning to end and we haven’t talked in over 2 years. I was sad for a very long time when it ended and just recently finally resolved some of those feelings.  I saw him, he saw me, and we just ignored each other.  My heart had a slight twinge of regret and I felt the anxiety going up so I left.

The current relationship involving this online person I started talking to, I feel, is starting to wane.  Despite his months of pursuit, he started talking to me initially, his situation is changing on a daily basis the past few days.  He seemed very sincere and honest at the beginning of this so I took a chance. Suddenly he can’t talk that much, conversations are short, having phone problems, feeling ill, internet problems or power issues. Just waiting to see what happens because I’ve run into those same scenarios before and I no longer talk to those people.  Apparently, it’s something called “ghosting”, the person slowly starts to disappear and then one day they are just gone.  It’s a really crappy way to end a relationship and I don’t understand why people can’t say “This isn’t working for me anymore.” It’s simple and to the point plus not as cruel to the other person.  I realize it may be a generational thing because most older people will just end it and not drag it out.  So I’m just waiting to see what happens and trying to remain positive.

All of this started the wheels turning yesterday and well into late last night.  I sat there thinking back to all the relationships I’ve ever had whether they were romantic involvements or just friendships.  I realized a few things.

  1. Temporary is just that, temporary – We are not always meant to stay.

We meet people every single day.  Whether we are out shopping, at work, online or just out and about. Sometimes you can have a great short conversation while standing in line with somebody.  More often than not these are just the buffers between any relationships forming.  These tiny bonds of humanity that keeps us moving.  They are never meant to be permanent.  We as human beings are still social creatures, that’s all it is, being sociable.  We hear a great joke, find out new information, or just share in that moment and space.  These interactions help us get through the day because we see we are not alone but they were never meant to be long-lasting.

  1. People are not blessings, they are lessons in life – We need lessons in order to change.

I see this quite often online the phrase “They are either a lesson or a blessing.”  I disagree with it because, in my opinion, we are constantly learning new things and changing every day.  This goes the same for people who walk in and out of our lives.  Per the definition “God’s favor and protection” is what a blessing is supposed to be. This indicates something that is more permanent.  A person cannot be a “blessing” to us because we are human beings, we have faults and make mistakes.  The person coming into your life may be a good person but most people have had good people in their lives before.  We as human beings continually grow and learn from the time we are born until we die.  This includes the things we learn from others.  Whether they treated us well or badly, there are parts of the other person that stay with us.  Some people call this emotional baggage.  While others don’t let these interactions affect them at all.  Since this is in a constant state of flux, it is not a permanent part of our life.

  1. We are born alone and we die alone – We can only control our own choices.

This is something most people don’t want to face; our mortality.  Is something we have no control over and we never will.  As we grow in life, we come in contact with numerous different people throughout our lifetime.  Some may find someone to spend their days with whether in marriage, a relationship or just a friendship but in the end on that last day, we take our next step into the unknown, alone.  You hear stories of couples who die within days of each other because they just couldn’t live without one another.  I like to think that our souls find another soul and it becomes one.  So when one dies the other will follow because they were one whole and not separate but still one of them has to take that step into the next level, alone.

  1. Love or lust at first sight – We make choices based on frivolous reasons.

We are human beings and we all have the same basic needs that have to be satisfied. This doesn’t always translate well into making the best decisions.  As it pertains to relationships there isn’t one person in the world, at this moment, who can honestly say they were attracted to someone solely on their personality. A majority of people use one of their five basic senses to make a determination about something, this also applies to other human beings we come in contact with every day.  We automatically make a decision on what we see.  Often what we see is not actually a true representation of the person’s character or humanity.  This is when we have to rely on our experiences and our own knowledge to make an informed decision about the person.

  1. Growing, emotionally, spiritually, and gaining knowledge – We can make ourselves happy.

Life is hard. We as human beings inherently know this to be true.  Just the fact that we are born to begin with despite the odds is awe-inspiring.  As we grow older sometimes we lose sight of our own selves and who we are meant to be.  We get wrapped up with just living our lives. This all too often leads us to think about everyone else in our lives and we forget about ourselves.  We forget that we are these emotional beings that need to feel loved, desired, wanted, and most of all safe.  We let the influences of the world around us skew our beliefs and our souls are affected. The one thing we have to remember is that we all have this powerful weapon at our disposal. This weapon will dispel untruths yet provide us with insight. It is our own brains, our mind is that powerful. The only problem is that we sometimes don’t use it and let the emotions overtake reasoning. We have the ability to change our lives into whatever we want. We have the power to make ourselves happier than we currently are but it takes bravery to take that first step.  That’s the hard part, deciding what we want for ourselves. We do not need to rely anyone else for our own happiness.  This one took me a long time to realize.

So as I continue on this journey called life I realized these five basic things about the relationships that I formed over the years and within myself.

These actions have been holding me back from being truly happy:

  • I stopped making choices about my life.
  • I stopped seeing people for who they really were.
  • I let others treat me however they wanted to.
  • I let others misery tear me down.
  • I essentially gave up who I am.

I wasted so much time focusing on things that did not provide any benefit me:

  • I have to focus on the thoughts that are important to me.
  • I have to focus on the things I wanted to accomplish.
  • I have to focus on creating my own happiness.
  • I have to keep moving forward, stay positive, and always find the good.
  • I have to remember me.

Thank you so for stopping by and sharing in this moment.

Have a great week!

May peace, love, happiness and good vibes always find you!