Nighttime Madness – by Suzanne E. Allen
Thoughts of doubts fill my mind.
Midnight anxiety, right on time.
Self-destruction, breaking self.
No amount of kind words can help.
Please be patient with me, again.
It’s never about you my friend.
Need a moment to let the words fade.
A long time ago they were made.
Just a moment in my thoughts.
Unseen battles being fought.
This darkness comes once more.
Waiting, waiting for good thoughts to restore.
By dawn’s morning light, you will see
No longer filled with anxiety.
An invisible battle within my mind.
Never giving up, moving with time.
Believing, praying, and knowing it to be true.
I’m no longer that person, no longer subdued.
All I ask is for you to be there.
When nighttime madness reappears.
This was written after yet another late night discussion with the online person in which my anxiety, self-doubts, and self-esteem issues arose again.
It was not intentional on my part, just thoughts that bubbled to surface during the conversation. I know that it has happened between us several times before as well and I wonder how much more this person will put up with it.
The last few times he jokingly said he was learning how to deal with my changes in mood. This weighed heavily on my own thoughts. A person shouldn’t have to learn how to deal with someone. A person should be accepted for who they are but only if the other person truly cares about them. Who knows, maybe he really does care about me but not great at wording his thoughts. The most likely scenario. Uncertainty in a relationship is never good for me because of the depression and anxiety compounding it sometimes.
So we will probably not talk to each other all day today again then late this evening he might text hello. I don’t know. I can’t keep apologizing for these depression and anxiety episodes otherwise that’s all I will be doing. All I can do is keep pushing forward, try to remember to reign in the thoughts, and just keep thinking about the positive and good things in my life.
This will not define who I am, what I can do, where I can go or how I get there.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Have a great week!
May peace, love, happiness and good vibes always find you.