It is May 15, 2018, and I have been talking to this online person for about 3 months now. He actually started following me in January but it took about a month before he actually messaged me then a few more weeks before I actually started responding.
We have been talking to each other every day sometimes multiple times a day ever since. Along with text messages we have also been video chatting as well.
At first, I was kind of hesitant to answer his questions because I didn’t trust him and was putting all this self-doubt into why would he be talking to me. I was waiting for the scammer intentions to come out but there hasn’t been any at all. He has been genuine, honest, and his intentions have been good.
Instead, we have these long conversations about a lot of different things and it has been refreshing to feel like a part of a relationship again. It is something that I was missing in my life after all the struggles the last 4 years.
We recently announced that we were in a relationship with one another publicly on our social media profiles to many mixed reactions. Mainly from his friends due to our age difference. My own children were concerned at first but they have been pushing me to think outside the box on how I approach people. They kept telling me the last few years that age doesn’t matter. I, still being the old-fashioned person I am, was pushing back at the idea until now.
Then last night we came to a point where the doubts and how I feel about myself as not only a person but as an older woman came to light and we both felt hurt by it. After much talking back and forth for almost 3 hours into the early morning, it was settled, and we are still moving down the same path we started with each other.
Today things seemed to be moving along once again then something came up and I believe it is involving his current stressed relationship with his own father. He told me last night that he told his family and friends about me. They had a physical altercation with each other over the past weekend but he won’t tell me really what it was about. I can only hope that whatever is going on will smooth over. I have to step back and give him room to figure it out. Just be supportive if I can.
So today, I have been contemplating where we go from here with this. He wants to come see me and I want to meet him in person too. Unfortunately, because of his and my country’s policies on visas, it will be a long process before that can happen. It has taken him 4 months just to get a passport. So we will continue to wait out this process and go step by step.
During our conversations, sometimes, there is misunderstanding mostly because of me. It must be a generational thing because he gets upset if I question what he says. I noticed this with my kids and people I have worked with all being in their twenties. They fully believe that once they say it there shouldn’t be any further discussion because they said what they needed to say. They are never wishy-washy or uncertain. I’m beginning to realize that my generation, in our forties, wanted our kids to be that way. We were the generation that questioned everything and didn’t necessarily trust anyone. Some were called “Latch Key” kids because they spent a lot of time on their own because parents worked. We sometimes grew up without any parental figures in our lives so, in turn, we became “helicopter” parents. Over-scheduled and overworked to ensure our kids had “everything” they wanted.
Now that generation wants everything. They want to be ahead of the pack and eager to achieve it. They are smarter, more educated, and sure of themselves. So we created them but didn’t think about the fact that one day we would be working, living alongside or actually being involved with them.
So this relationship is teaching me a few things about myself in the process.
I don’t like to be contradicted by others for a start. It is something that I have to work on because I know I’m not always right. I do take the opinions of others into account on most things but have a tendency to still want to be right. He has countered with each argument we’ve had so far and always so reasonable about it but never disrespectful. I have never experienced that from any man I’ve dated or been with that was the same or close to the same age as me. It’s taking me a while to get used to.
I don’t like to lose but most people are this way to a certain extent but my problem is always wanting to have the last word. This has caused so many misunderstandings and strife with others. He also has a competitive spirit but in the end, whenever we come to an impasse about something, he is once again respectful but stern about his position. He doesn’t back down which I like very much. Other men in my life just gave up too easily and in the end, blamed me for it. I have been looking for someone who doesn’t give up when it is something important to them. He gives equal weight to what I am thinking or wanting without sacrificing his own needs. I respect that very much and more apt to compromise because of it.
I don’t like to be “talked at” and want to be “talked to”. I have had too many relationships and friendships where people never heard what I said or even valued my opinion. They would discount my opinions or ignore me until they wanted something from me. He always listens to what am saying and tries to understand my point of view. This is the only place in our relationship where we struggle because of the different experience levels. So he always put it back to a basic level. A simple way of viewing what we are discussing so we each have a point to offer or counteroffer. He keeps bringing up that he doesn’t have much experience but he actually has shown that he is truly wise beyond his years. Very kind and considerate, only wanting the best for both for us. It has been quite an eye-opener and sometimes a little overwhelming.
I don’t like that I am still, after all these years, uncomfortable in my own skin. I cannot see my own value sometimes and it puts a shadow of doubt over me. It is this doubt that makes so unsure about being with him sometimes to the point of it starting an argument between us and both of us getting upset. During one of these moments, he said “…I beg you to trust in God or whatever you believe in…that I am being truthful of my feeling and intentions about you…” This always comes up in my thoughts and for some reason, it is comforting to me. Never in my life has anyone brought up keep faith in that what I’m doing is the right thing. I also find it kind of ironic that he said this to me. All these years I prayed to have someone in my life that loves me for just being me. I just never expected it to be found in someone who is so much younger than me. So do I keep having faith in this? I will for now believe that this is where I need to be and will keep having faith that things work the way they need to be.
I don’t like dishonesty but also find the truth hurts sometimes. I grew up with mistrust and lying is something that I cannot forgive. I have been told that complete honesty is my only fault. I find it ironic that the only people who told me this eventually got caught in a lie which ended things between us. He keeps saying that he is being completely honest with me which I appreciate but when he’s brutally honest about something concerning me it is hurtful. Not because it is being said out of malice but it is actually being said out of genuine kindness for my own well-being. That is something I’ve never had from anyone to include my own family. It’s almost like they just didn’t want to make a scene or cause an issue with me so they were not truthful. If I had grown up with the truth then things would be so different for me and I would be able to handle brutal honesty better without feeling hurt or resentment. So I’m learning this from him despite the misunderstanding.
I don’t like the thought of being settled or sitting still. There is such a big difference in our ages that it worries me that he will eventually get bored with me. He says that he wants to be with me forever but in my heart and mind I know he is still growing as a person. He may feel that way today, next month or even next year but what about 10 years from now? I was married for 17 years and settled into a life. After I got divorced I knew that I didn’t want to be in that place again but I what I didn’t think about was the fact that I might meet someone who would want that with me. He says he wants to be with me. It’s nice to feel that way again but at the same time, I’m afraid of messing it up. I just don’t want to waste his time. He keeps trying to reassure me that I’m not wasting his time and that I am what he wants. Yet, I know from experience that we go through different points in our life and it is constantly changing. So he may be just a point in my life and me just a point in his. We don’t know what will happen. All we can do is keep communicating with each other and doing the best we can.
I can only hope that in the end that this will work. I will keep trying to communicate with him the best that I can. Maybe I will learn more things about myself. I will continue to pray for a better life with someone who loves me for being me.
In the end, the love we hold in our hearts doesn’t care about a date on the calendar. Love has no boundaries. Love doesn’t care what is in our bank accounts or on our backs. Love doesn’t care if we fall only once or a thousand times. Love is something that is universal to us all. Love is just one thing that keeps us moving. Love is ageless.
Thank you for stopping by!
Have a great week!
I hope peace, love, happiness, and good vibes always find you.