May 12, 2020
It is early in the morning, another rainy start to the day.
After much conversation with my online person which ended abruptly, I got up, got dressed, and worked through the thoughts that woke me.
I recorded and posted a video to my Instagram of the current happenings in my life. I felt much better.
After which other thoughts came to mind about the direction I am heading in now and that is when I realized, the Universe, God, The Creator, whatever you want to call it, listened to my plea for help and direction over the last year.
In May of 2019, I was working at a job where it became apparent that the person that hired me wanted me out and was making sure that I was miserable almost every day. I started questioning my own abilities to do the job I was hired to do despite not having any issues prior to then. I finally quit at the end of August 2019 and then in September 2019 went back to a workplace that I resigned to be the only job I could do. I had been internally defeated during that process. I started back to group therapy.
A month after working there I got interviewed for a better job working full time. I transitioned again into learning and going back to the work of being a customer service representative once more. It still was not my ideal position but it paid more. It was also at this time when I needed to change my housing situation because I could no longer afford it. Time continued moving and I with it.
I started having problems with my shoulder shortly after leaving the workplace that I went back to in September but assumed it was just a strained muscle from lifting boxes and the repetitive motion of that job. I was wrong. During the month of October, it got worse and I had to seek medical attention. That is when this journey toward another change started.
This time period also saw the beginning and ending of 5 jobs both full and part time. I was so excited when I started working for the retail store bakeries as a part time cake decorator and then an assistant bakery manager. I thought at that time that my dreams of working in a bakery were finally coming true. I tried so many times before to get hired but was always turned down for one reason or another. The bakery jobs just did not happen. Mainly due to personality clashes between myself and other workers. We just could not get along well enough to make it work. Those jobs ended and then March 2020 saw me returning back to the workplace that I had left back at the end of September of 2019 but this time as a supervisor with more pay.
Just before I went back to this workplace, I had gone to Veterans job fair and that is where I met this representative from a new tech school that just opened at the beginning of January 2020. Their primary focus is to train a person to become a software engineer, coding. It is a 9 to 5 class day for 5 to 6 days per week for approximately 9 months then they provide employment assistance at the end. I had been flirting with that idea going on over 2 years now. I went to few free workshops where you got to play with coding and create things.
This was my original work plan when I first came home from active duty in 1993. I was single mom then and trying to find something that would support my family. I even attended a year long private vocational training school with focus on nothing but programming, did very well and got the lucrative internship made only available to the top student in each class. I had high hopes until the day I showed up for the start of the internship.
The director of the company I was to work for saw me and said, “You’ve got to be kidding me…is this a joke?” He stated that he was only to be sent the top student in each class and even made it a point to call the school to find out what happened. He was informed that I was indeed the top student in my class. He then promptly told me that I should go home and take care of my kid, maybe find a husband to support me. This was in 1995.
I stuck it out for two weeks enduring his lack of training me and basically ignoring I was there or giving me menial tasks to do, unrelated to the training I had received. I had my confidence bruised but not broken by him. I got sent to another company that agreed to take me but then I got there and they put me in the mail room. Once again, I felt defeated. Then one day I got an interview and I thought things were heading in the right direction.
The interview was with a pharmaceutical distribution company as an entry level programmer. They liked my resume on paper and I went to interview with the director of that department. In those days, your resume could basically be however you wanted so instead of using my first and last name, I used my first initial, middle initial and last name. It made my resume ambiguous and be seen on its own merit. I got to the interview and was met with the same chauvinistic viewpoint as the internship director. I was thoroughly defeated at that point. I never found or started a job in that chosen field.
Now, fast forward, 25 years later and here I am. I will no longer be able to work at the job that I thought was the only thing that I would ever be able to do.
The shoulder injury is now to be surgically repaired necessitating being at home for the next 6 to 8 months.
I decided to take that opportunity to go back to school in my original chosen field all those years ago. I just completed the first levels of the admission process and working on the next steps to be added to my application packet for the new tech school.
When you are working on a computer only having one good hand to type and maneuver is needed. My mind is still sharp and able to concentrate or comprehend things. I still know how to break down and manage my time to get things accomplished. I just needed the push in the right direction.
The Universe listened to my questions about what I was supposed to do and how do I accomplish it?
The vastness of space heard my cries and pleas for a direction to follow over the last year. I am now being guided to a time in my life where I will have to remain quiet. I will have time to slow down to listen and learn. I have the opportunity before me and I need to take it. Being in a sling and enduring that, at the same time, is not ideal but can be worked, it is doable.
All those sleepless nights, early morning breakdowns into moments of crying, and the down moods causing the lonely feelings were felt. The internal questions I posed were heard.
The Universe listened, intervened, and helped changed the direction I was heading.
I know the next steps to be taken and feel good about the opportunities ahead of me.
It will be a struggle but nothing I have not faced before.
Only time will tell at this point.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Have a good week!
Take care and be safe.
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes always.