Week 1 – Completion

**Part 3 of the series on this self-improvement course

Week 1 – Completion

January 20, 2021

As previously written, I am trying to invest time into a self-help journey of finding my creativity once again.  I finally this past Monday, completed the week one tasks from the Artist’s Way course.

I have been religiously completing the morning pages and have been for more than 70 days now but the tackling of the actual weekly tasks and completion of reading the first chapter has been a struggle.

That first set of tasks was forewarned to be possibly unsettling about how you feel as an artist and the influence you have been surrounded by.  The tasks and questions ask you to face your fears, anxieties, and thoughts about yourself as an artist.  To also face the naysayers in your life that may have knowingly or unknowingly contributed to the negative thoughts.

The tasks required a lot of writing which I know from previous journaling experiences helps set a permanence to quelling the negative thoughts.  I have been using this blog for the last 5 years as a version of journaling.

After looking through and answering the questions I have begun to realize the true affects that bullying by both peers and family had on my confidence as it relates to being a creative person.  This constant bullying started when I was a preteen and well into my early twenties.

Then as a married woman to a person who never really saw the point of creative efforts it took a toll on my self-esteem.  In my previous marriage my spouse never interfered with any creative endeavors but was never really that supportive of it either. 

There were times when I tried to carve out a small space for my tools or things used in my artistic pursuits only to have it overrun by his things or have it invaded by the kid’s things too. There was no respect for personal space or belongings.  As much as I tried to instill that in our children it was overridden by my then husband. I always felt like an outsider in my own home.

Despite this I was able to find a way to include my ideas into our celebrations or even later when I started competing in contests.  An artist cannot shut out those ideas that swirl around in their thoughts, it will always be there.

Whether it was sewing kids Halloween costumes, decorating birthday cakes or decorating for the holidays those ideas were always there. 

After the marriage ended, I continued with the cake decorating and sugar art competitions as my main creative outlet but as time went by the desire was getting slowly swallowed up by everything else going in my life. 

As of today, it has been 3 years since the last competition I entered. Mainly because the show I was participating in came to an end and was retired but the plan was to continue on and attend other events around the country. That did not happen.

The ups and downs of my life due to depression, anxiety, job losses, and homelessness the last 3 years has been a roadblock to the creativity.

Last year with the pandemic and recovery from surgery made it not possible to pursue anything except surviving. Then the next thing you know another new year began.

This year I am taking a different path completely as it relates to a future career and starting a new technical school. I finally decided to start on making significant changes to the value of my work. The time off due to still ongoing recovery from surgery has provided the opportunity to pursue gaining new skills and knowledge.

I am going back to a career track that I was originally on as new single mother when I returned from the active-duty Air Force. I was faced with unfair treatment from the men I interviewed with once that technical training course was completed. I never went back down that path again but never forgot it either.

I have always been fascinated by technology, programming, coding, and the things that were created by it.  Our phones, computers, and our every day life is affected by them is some way. It was in my opinion back in 1995 that it would continue to grow and develop. It is where I wanted to be, but life had me taking a slight detour.

Now, here I am, 26 years later and attempting to walk down that path again. I have a lot of catching up to do and look forward to relishing in newfound knowledge.

So as a part of this growth of personal development in this soon to be 50th year of life, I also decided to work on the creativity aspect of my personality by incorporating it back into my daily life.

The first steps are completing this self-help tutorial/program. 

Then creating a daily habit/routine to incorporate all the ideas, hopes, dreams, and aspirations that continuously fueled my thoughts the last 26 years. 

Finally, going after the things that I dreamt about during those moments in my 20 years of my military service.  All those small things I pursued in the name of being considered an artist.

I can only do one step at a time though and patience will be the important key to all of this.

Thank you so much for taking time to stop by.

Have an awesome week ahead!

Take care and be safe out there.

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne

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