Vows are just words
Monday, June 7, 2021
It is a Monday night and I am waiting for my son to get off of work.
As I sit here in the parking lot, listening to music and scrolling through social media, a thought came to mind about marriage.
Partly influenced by the Netflix movie I saw about Betty Broderick and also my own marriage experience.
In her story she was supposedly a scorned woman who could not let go of her marriage ending. Her anger went to extremes resulting in the death of her ex husband and his new wife.
She altered not only her life but the lives of their four children.
Most movies depicted her as a woman wanting revenge and also more money.
I felt sad for her.
I believe she was a woman who made her family and her husband the center of her life then when it was ending she was losing the only identity she had been known by for most of her life; wife and mother.
Sometimes, as a woman, we are raised to believe that is our only purpose; to be someone’s wife or mother and to care for others.
We are sometimes raised to believe that what we want for ourselves as an individual is always secondary.
That is not true.
We are just as important and have so much more to accomplish in life and to give the world around us. We just have to believe in ourselves.
If the Creator, God, or the Universe did not want us to be just as purposeful then why are we built to withstand so much.
We are made to give life to others, nurture them, teach them, protect them, and be willing to let them go out into the world on their own.
We have the same learning capacity, reasoning skills, logical thinking, and assertiveness as men.
There are women who are world class athletes, soldiers, scientists, engineers, CEO’s, and Philanthropists out in the world competing in the same field as men.
The only thing that makes us different than most men is how we form emotional attachments and how we express ourselves.
When someone breaks our heart, it takes us a while to work through it.
If a woman does not take that long to get into another relationship then she really was not as attached, this is also the same for men.
When one professes to love, honor, and cherish in sickness or in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer until death do us part that is a vow making that the only person in your life.
Infidelity in any form negates that vow forever. Once something is broken it will never be the same. The trust is no longer there.
Vows are just words but the actions it presents will either make them stronger or weakens them.
This is why marriages and relationships fail and why they will continue to fail.
In the end it is about your own self that matters. Your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-assurance, and self-control.
After watching the movie, I remembered how I felt those first few weeks after my ex-husband died.
I was in grief and in mourning at the loss of my children’s father. I didn’t know how it was going to be as a single mom again.
Then upon discovering evidence of his infidelity when we were married and unbeknownst to me, I was angry and heartbroken all over again.
It took many years and a lot of counseling to move past the “death” of my own marriage and then the heartbreak of finding out that he never really cared about me. Yes, he provided for us as a family but he left a huge wound across my heart as a human being. I had trusted him.
Now, I am older, almost to the same age he was. There was an age gap of 8 years between us. I have come to realize my own inner strength that keeps me going.
I do not need someone else to “make” me happy.
What I seek is companionship, trust, honesty, and a motivation beyond ones self.
I will no longer just settle for whatever is in front of me. I want and expect more.
I have earned the right to be picky about who I choose to be in my life and to love.
Thank you for stopping by.
Have a great week.
Take care and be safe.