Reality. It is, what it is.

Woke up with my arm outside of the blanket this morning. 🛏 It felt cold, heavy, and empty.

The heaviness and cold is the arm itself. It has been this way since September 2019.

The empty feeling, is related to the tremors that started August 2020 post surgery. The only indicator that it will occur at some point during the day.

These have been discussed with every doctor seen for the past 2 years.

Not having an answer or fix for the problem. To no longer have a plan of action to correct it, is frustrating.

Now it is, what it is. Work through and manage the pain and the limitations.

I have to find the positives of this new normal.

It is not easy.

Its tiring.

I get angry.

I cry.

I have a lot of “what if’s”, “should haves”, and “I wishes” on most days.

I wake up every morning and take it one step at a time. There is no hurry and no schedule now. Lots of rest and learning patience.

Get up, work out the stiffness and pain. Struggle with my hair, getting dressed, and fixing the bed. Then my day starts.

I think back to that morning I woke up in same condition but my arm was swollen and looked kind of blue. It is why I went to the walk in clinic. That was the first step on this journey.

I’m grateful for my medical benefits from my military service and that they have paid for my care. I am fortunate for having my kids taking care of and being there for me.

It is all now a mental challenge. Keeping the thoughts positive. Staying the course and moving forward. Finding motivation every day.

It is not where I thought I was going to be.

That’s life though.

We don’t have a roadmap or the answers.

We can only walk the path.

Have a beautiful week!

Take care and be safe out there.

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always.

Suzanne

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