poetry, Random Musings, Well being

You again by SE Allen

July 12, 2022

Thoughts turn to you.

Appearing out of the blue.

We talked once before.

Argued and then it was no more.

I was heartbroken back then.

Our friendship came to an end.

I spent the next two years in solitude.

Discovering myself, changing my mood.

Then one day, it was you again.

I was happy and missed my friend.

Gave this chance number two.

Something I rarely do.

I remembered the man that I knew.

Kind, loving, and bluntly honest too.

As I lie awake at one in the morning.

Feeling excited, happy, and less worrying.

Looking forward to the early texts from you.

Continue the chat, finding something new.

I don’t know where this will go.

Distance and time make everything slow.

Not feeling anxious, biding my time.

Maybe soon, there will be no just online.

Until then, taking this long windy road.

Finding out more, seeing where it goes.

Life is full of surprises, that is true.

Keeping hope, faith, and belief in you.

Life is not guaranteed.

Take a chance on what you seek.

If in the end it wasn’t meant to be.

Know I enjoyed this brief moment in time, you and me.

********

These were some random thoughts about the person I am currently chatting with online. We originally met one another through Instagram at the end of 2019. After some miscommunication, indifferences, and then the pandemic starting, it ended May of 2020 just before my surgery. He had logged out of everything and his accounts were gone.

I thought about him quite often over the next two years and wondered if he was okay. Then out of the blue I got a message from him on Instagram from his new account. He stated he had been trying to find me again. We have been chatting for almost two months now.

At first I was mad, I remembered why the last interactions did not go well. I initially refused to talk to him. Then I remembered the stressful time at the beginning of the pandemic. No one knew what was going on, people were losing their loved ones, and their way of life.

I know his last messages were about his job going remotely and he was sick. I decided to give this another chance which is really rare for me to do based on previous experiences. This time, I am willing to take a chance on connecting with another person in the world.

The last two years of living in a pandemic, isolated, recovering from a failed surgery, and just learning about who I am as a person. It made me realized that despite my hardened, no nonsense exterior, deep down inside, I am this mushy person that needs people in my life. The only true way to get over the trauma I lived through in my life is to actually trust people and sometimes have blind faith that they mean well. That not everyone is out to hurt me.

So here I am, trying this again. Putting some sort of faith into a person that I have never met in person and believing that they have no ill intentions towards me. Will it work? I have no idea. That is the part where I have to trust my instincts.

I am giving this perspective a fresh start on this forming into a relationship. Whether that is a friendship or something else.

I can no longer wallow in self-pity, sadness, and regret. I need to be willing to take chances on people.

Who knows where this will go or even if it will end up somewhere.

I am just going to be steadfast in my attempt, walking calmly through to the end.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a great week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always.

Suzanne