Meditation, mindfulness, and muting the thoughts
I had an unusual occurrence that happened in my mindfulness group today.
We meet weekly and it is an open group, meaning it does not have an attendance requirement.
The two practitioners lead us through guided meditation exercises and then we discuss how it went for us afterwards. We also do a check in before the practice just to see where everyone is. I have been attending for a little over a month now. I have seen a tremendous difference in this meditation attempt than previous ones.
In this morning’s session, I had a moment of such clarity, calmness, and a sense of serenity, that it felt overwhelming. I was thinking about it most of the day. It was just out of the norm for me because that rarely happens. I am usually struggling with my thoughts and it is hard to quiet them down.
I am not sure why today was any different than previous attempts.
After discussing it with my son, he made me realize that all the major stressors that I have had in my life, namely my mother, her husband, my half-sisters, and thoughts about my ex-husband have been removed and reconciled.
This is true. They have been the source for so much contention in my life prior to a month ago.
I also believe the other reason I felt at peace this morning is because I am no longer wondering or worrying about other things such as relationships. I have this person that I met who makes me happy to talk to every day. Even though we have had our moments, I still feel good with how it is moving along, although I am still impatient. I have had a few anxiety moments but they have not been that bad and were quickly deescalated. It is still a work in progress. I am still learning how to interact with someone that is not putting all these unrealistic expectations on me. He says he just enjoys talking to me about anything and everything. It has been a refreshing change of pace.
The other non-stressor in my life is not having the daily grind of working a 9 to 5 job. That was always the biggest anxiety producer and stemmed back to me just not fitting in the right job. I was this go-getter with elevated expectations. I tried to be the best at everything because of the 20 year military background but that is not how civilian businesses worked. I did not know the rules to the office politics game in order to get ahead and also refused to play them. That is just not how I work. Me sustaining an injury that put me out of work was actually a tremendous positive for my overall well-being.
Right now, my housing and bills situation is still progressing. I do not have a lot left for extras but we are managing. It has been a long time since I actually felt stable in my home. I do not have the constant fear of being homeless hanging over me.
That means this morning’s meditation was just me listening to the calm. The quietness of my thoughts. The inner part of who I am finally finding some peace.
It has been such a long journey to get to this point and I can only hope that it continues.
The pessimistic side of me is still being cautious though but I am just going with the flow to see where it goes.
I kept asking the universe to help me find peace, happiness, and love.
I believe it has finally arrived.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always.